Well, yesterday was difficult. Mitch's funeral was probably one of the most difficult funerals I have ever been to. No one ever thinks about something like your dad dying until it happens to someone close to you. Honestly, I have never ever been moved to think 'What if my dad doesn't live to see me married?', 'What if my dad doesn't live to see his grandchildren?' -- stuff like that just doesn't cross your mind until you see someone like Cassie, 19 years old, standing at the pulpit at the church, squeaking and really trying to control herself, and the rest of the Pyschos standing in the back of the church sobbing our eyes out. I just feel so awful, I just want to reach out and grab ahold of Cassie -- only problem is she has a completely different group of friends, seperate from us, who hovered around her and stood near the recieving line at the internment, which bothered me. Do people think they're better friends to her than we are because they wear their jeans and tuques and stand around the cemetary smoking, but they're closer to her physically, so they're more of a help? Grrr. At the same time that I like to be at a funeral to show support for my friends, I always end up mad. There is always, at funerals, a level of insincerity that bothers me. For example, at Barb's funeral when all of these people showed up at the funeral to sit and sniff and pretend like they cared, when I had been with her for the last year and a half and knew that none of these people ever visited or called her. In fact, they were the very people that would gossip about her and how crazy she was. They came and wore their bleeding hearts on their sleeves and expressed how sorry they felt, but I just wanted to smack them all. There always occurs something like that at a funeral, and I try my best to ignore it, but it rises up like bile, since it's a highly emotional situation anyways. I also met my "soul mate" (as Patricia told me he was, lol) at the reception after the internment. He seemed nice enough, but he really didn't draw me in. Very non descript, and I guess I am too selfish to settle for boring. :P
Disclaimer: These are my personal thoughts, emotions and opinions -- they are not intended to offend or aggress upon anyone. Likewise, though I do appreciate a constructively critical comment on occasion, I prefer non-hateful and thoughtful comments with respect to myself. I shouldn't have any problems with that though, we're all grown ups here, right? Please note that any offensive, aggressive and anonymous comments will be deleted from my comments, notes and guestbook, as I like knowing that the rest of my readership doesn't have to read that trash. Also, the HTML on this design has been designed solely by myself, Amanda Neal, and song lyrics are from the song "Wild Horses" by Natasha Bedingfield.
Friday, Nov. 11, 2005 ~ 9:05 a.m.
